Getting adjusted to flipping my entire life to a night schedule while starting a 90 day fitness challenge and orienting to a new career in the Emergency Room has been stressful.
I've had mostly good days. Ran an amazing 12 miles on Friday morning with ease, thanks to the addition of a running buddy into my routine. I haven't gotten all my training sessions in but when I do train, I train hard!
I know I am experiencing some sort of mental block. I know in my heart that as soon as January 19th rolls around on the calendar, I'll be in full swing prep mode. I have always had issues finding the magical balance. To be brutally honest, you do things differently during contest prep. I think for the longest time I was trying to convince myself it was ok to be perfectly normal and maintain a body fat percentage of less than 10%. The reality is that woman are not designed to be walking around with minimal body fat and ready to step on stage at any moment. It is an unrealistic expectation and a reason why I feel chronically defeated and not satisfied. I love being lean. I love seeing all my muscle definition. I love that being fit defines me as an individual.
I am trying to learn to love myself enough to allow uniqueness. It's ok that I stray away from normalcy in my pursuit of excellence. In times of doubt, I have to ask myself what do I want more than anything? What do I live for? What makes me want to get up everyday and be better than I was before? The answer, being a fitness competitor and inspiring others. I need to accept that I desire this more than I desire to be "normal." I have everything I need on my side. I have no excuses but to pursue this with all my heart.
I know this 90 day challenge was started as a way that I could find balance in this lifestyle. I am not saying it's not possible. I am saying that it is okay to define yourself differently. In my personal situation, it's okay to say "I am a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a nurse, a parent to my animals and a fitness competitor." I find balance in my personal life by making time to focus on all those roles in my life. THAT IS THE BALANCE. The balance isn't trying to fit into some preconceived idea or notion of what a typical career driven 28 year old should be. The balance is honoring all aspects of my roles. It's okay if I eat grilled chicken breast while at lunch with my in-laws. THAT IS THE BALANCE. It is the definition of the balance I need to pursue my desires, dreams and interest. It's okay if I bring a gallon of water every night to work and slam my meals between seeing patients. THAT IS THE BALANCE. Pursuing my career goals while also honoring my fitness goals. I don't know why it took me so long to see this. The reason I have felt so "out of balance" is because I was trying to squeeze in my role as a fitness competitor into my life as a caveat. "I compete, but it's just a hobby because I have nothing better to do". For REAL?? I have said this so many times as a way to connect and feel normal with others. You know what? This isn't just a hobby for me! I truly desire this. I desire to be an inspiration. I desire to compete. I desire to earn my pro card. The funny thing is, I think my husband has seen it all along. He has always allotted for me to be a competitor in any social situation. He always encourages me. I often feel defeated and like I am "missing out" if I am not eating that burger or drinking that beer. That is a crazy way to think! I am not "missing out." I am pursuing balance in my life by juggling my desire to socialize with my friends AND be a fitness competitor. It is okay if this defines me as a person. It should define me as a person. There is literally not a day that goes by that I don't think about how much I want to become a professional athlete.
One of my rules from the beginning was allowing myself to change. I am still staying on the same nutrition program and training program. I feel I have just stumbled upon some mental clarity. And let me tell you, it feels damn good.
I enjoyed my nutrition plan and training plan from last week so much that I am eating the same plan this week and doing the same training schedule. I made a couple tweaks for fun. I found a healthy version of egg nog at the store. I replaced my normal almond milk for my protein pancakes with the cleaned up egg nog version for a delicious holiday surprise when I bite into them.
Calories 50
Total Fat 1.5g
Saturated Fat 0g
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 0mg
Sodium 90mg
Total Carbohydrate 8g
Dietary Fiber 0g
Sugars 8g
Protein 1g
I also ordered my competition bikini for next year!!!!!!!!! I thought, what better motivation to train hard than to have that beauty hanging up to see everyday. Gorgeous huh? I ordered it from Ravishsands.
Here is to being kind to yourself, patient in your mistakes and being brave enough to redefine your balance.
- FitWhitt
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