Big Changes

To recap from where I last left off...

I competed in the Adela Garcia classic in June and made second call outs. My goal in doing the show was to be able to transition from one show to the next without losing control.
Here are pictures from the Adela Garcia.

I had 3 weeks to keep it together before the Branch Warren Classic in July. I am proud to say I managed to hold in there and even walked away with a third place trophy and a national qualifying title, which allows me to compete in national level shows to obtain my pro card.
Here are pictures from the Branch Warren.

I took a week off from training and have been searching for myself ever since. Not simply in the competitor world, but life in general.

Do you ever feel lost? Like maybe you are missing out on something? Do you ever feel like there is so much more than what you know? I always have this feeling. It generally lingers deep down inside me but every now and then it starts bubbling up and I am overcome with the feeling of finding myself. I joke with my husband about it. I even addressed it as "I know I am going through one of my crazy times..."

I was overwhelmed with the need for change and growth. I am a person that functions well and craves routine but every now and then, I am overtaken with my need to break my routine and improve immediately. For me this was all about finding balance in my life. I needed some time to think about other things, plan my future, feel like I am apart of something bigger than me. I just wanted change in every way I could manage.

In the past 2 months I have educated myself extensively on future plans and directions for my education, looked for other jobs, changed my diet to one that is free form animal products and I currently have neon red hair as a result of acting upon my incessant need for immediate change.

I still feel lost and not sure which direction to go. Part of me wants to run away from the competition world and rebel against the regimen of eating and training I obsess about. I compare myself constantly to what I know I am capable of and if I am not able to fit in my size zeros and carry extra weight on, I feel low and sad. Sometimes I have a little pep talk with myself and tell myself I am beautiful just how I am and it's ok that I am not obsessing about training and my diet. Other days I call myself a fatty and reminisce about my leaner and toned physique.

I am still not sure if balance exists in being able to reach the goals I desire in the competition world while still maintaining a life outside of my training, but I have decided to continue to try and find it. I am happiest with myself and love myself the most when I choose my health over what feels good in the moment. Although I sometimes crave the "normalcy", I have decided it would help to create a new normal for me. Maybe the old me would spend the weekend drinking, relaxing and hanging with friends. Maybe the old me would order a ice cream on a weekday and not care. But the new me will choose to find joy in other things besides food. The new me will learn to appreciate meditation and opportunities to use my time to invest in my education. The new me will have a better balance with my emotions and cravings and be fit all the time. The new me won't live for a show but competitions will be an opportunity to showcase the work I do from day to day simply because I love being fit and happy.

I feel very strongly about my personal decision to abstain from animal products and honestly feel like I am apart of something so much bigger than myself. I have been enjoying so many fruits and vegetables and have had some great fun in the kitchen. I have enjoyed my trips to local farmers market and designing recipes from local, organic and seasonal products. My current coach does not advocate for an animal free diet so I have not found the answer on how or if it truly is possible to obtain the physique I desire while abstaining from animals, but you never know unless you try? Right? And since I feel strongly about both these passions, I am going to give it my all. I still have some hesitations about whether I can have a physique this lean on a vegan diet.

But I stumbled upon a few competitors that have been successful and that gives me hope.

If anyone is willing to try, I am. So stay tuned for my new journey as I pursue this. With all the research I have been preforming, I have gained some insight on what I would like to pursue as a career in the future. My reasons for abstaining from animal protein are not simply ethically related, but also health. I have learned alot about the health impacts of choosing a vegan diet. I have also learned how much more I would like to be apart of helping people with this knowledge. I have begun to consider a holistic nutrition degree. Instead of treating illness with a pill, why not get down to the root cause which in most cases is due to the fuel we use to run our bodies.

Unfortunately this view is not as recognized by our current medical system, so I am in search of finding the best way to educate myself on these issues.

That's a pretty heavy update so I will leave you for now and will do my best and updating more frequently on this new journey.

- Whittney C.