Here We Go (also known as Step One/Committing/Bored of no change/Ready for dynamic change...

I have officially come to my crossroad. I guess it is unfair to call it 'my' as to imply that I have only had one singular crossroad in my life. I will call it the next crossroad.
It has been been nearly 4 years since I graduated from nursing school. I have since applied to three graduate FNP programs, dropped out of one, and was recently failed admittance to one. There is something in the universe that is disagreeing with my constant, safe, "I don't know what else to do",  security blanket of a decision to return to school and pursue my masters degree in nursing. I am not saying that it does not lie someplace in my future, but I have come to accept a peace of mind in knowing that maybe there is SOMETHING ELSE!
It is for this reason that I began to compile a list in my head of what I dream about, what makes me happy, what motivates me day to day, what do I want to do with my life, type questions. Here is what I came up. (P.S. I love lists)
1) I love to workout
2) I love to study and learn about nutrition (The latest books I have read our: The China Study, The End Of Overeating, Jennifer Nicole Lee Fitness Model Diet and countless issues of Oxygen and Muscle Fitness Hers magazines.
3) I obsessively make and design workout plans and meal plans
4) The idea of sitting down with an individual and planning a meal plan and workout plan makes me warm and fuzzy inside
5) My cork board is covered with pictures of IFBB Bikini Pro champions, not celebrities
I think you get the picture.
After much confusion, tears, anxiety, fear etc...(my poor husband) I have decided that maybe becoming a personal trainer would bring me great joy! Who knows, maybe I could incorporate my love for nursing in there someday but I think I need to pursue this. To be honest, I am terrified. I am terrified because I don't know what I am doing, how to do it, if it will make any money, if I'll be any good at it, if anyone will care what I have to say, and the big one HOW DO I MAKE MYSELF LOOK LIKE I KNOW WHAT I AM DONG?
I did some research and decided after failed success at Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader boot camps, P90X, Turbo Jam, Brazilian Butt Lift, Insanity and every other workout plan out there, I might need a little help? I found myself studying the internet until I fell in love with Revelation Fit based out of Austin. I contacted Mariah a couple of months ago about the program but decided I didn't need help, that I was capable of getting my own butt in gear. Well, news flash! I have something to admit to you all.
A. I am not perfect
B. I am really good at planning and not so great at the execution
C. My scale numbers haven't changed in YEARS
D. I NEED HELP!
I just returned home from my first meeting with Mariah. I start the program tomorrow and have agreed to do a bikini competition in Los Angeles in January.  EEK!!
I have decided to blog about my experience over the next 12 weeks because I need your help, your accountability, and I need to be absolutely vulnerable to you so that my desire for change will be that much more prominent. Here are my goals that will motivate me these next 12 weeks.
1) Compete in a Bikini Competition
2) Gain the knowledge and education to become/pursue a personal trainer career
3) FINALLY be happy with my body
4) Be a spokesperson to encourage others in their fitness/health goals
5) Be a fitness model - appear in Oxygen/Muscle and Fitness Hers...
Sounds pretty crazy! My cheeks are actually blushing at the idea that some people I know will read this I think how absurd and ridiculous I am being and that I'll never accomplish these tasks. But all I can do is work my butt off and prove you wrong. :)

So here it comes, a better version of me! The BEST version of me.
- Whittney C.

source